Some memes

bothering to stay clean and trying to live by all these spiritual principles if life will end up causing me pain? there are more than two ways to answer that particular query. the first one that pops off the stack for me anyhow, is because staying clean, no matter what is its own reward. it is true i do not like pain. it is true that when terrible or upsetting events happen to me, those that i love or those with whom i have deep abiding relationships, i get angry, sad and want to find something to blame. all that wailing and gnashing of my teeth accomplishes absolutely nothing and GOD does not seem to step down from wherever IT exists and change what has happened. i can truthfully say that pain and suffering being part of the unknowable “GOD's plan” is hardly a comfort to me. i am not a fan of destiny or divine planning and although i allow my peers and friend who are to express their opinions on such matters, for me it feels like a cop-out and the ways and means to blame GOD and shuffle off their feelings. just my opinion and one that i would never say out loud to anyone who follow that path.
so how exactly does someone such as myself find the grace to carry on, when i am in pain due to life on its own terms? that was the point of my source material: to be present to recognize and receive grace form those around me. pain sucks, plain and simple. i understand that pain is part of the human existence and i am grateful that i have built the relationships that provide me support and comfort through those times of pain. as much as i may want to find something to blame, i know that will provide little or no comfort in my time of need. i also know that if i pay attention and am present for what is going on around me, i will get precisely what i need, be it a hug, a shoulder to cry in or <GASP> someone taking responsibility for causing such pain. IT COULD HAPPEN! 🤭
today, as i enjoy another day away from the cigar store, i am really confused as to my team mate's reaction to my TENTH STEP corrective action the other day. either i did not do what i believed i had to take responsibility for doing, or he was just oblivious to my actions. confusing as that may be, it will not stop me from doing it again in the future, owning my part, not the being a dick part. as i move forward into the next drama at work, and i am sure there is one coming down the pike, i need to find the grace to stop feeding it. this lat little bit, where i got dragged in by the short hairs by someone telling lies about my intentions, left a very bitter taste in my mouth and one that i will never forget. after trusting someone to have my back and then being the one to put the knife in, i am more than a bit leery of being more open at work about who and what i am. that being said, i will not smear my co-workers with that brush but i will be just a bit more circumspect with what i say and do. discretion is, after all, the better part of valor, even just for today.

∞ DT ∞