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and some days they certainly do sound a whole lot better than i do. the catch here is many of them have the exact same character defect of doing their best to look better than they are. how would i know? well it is one of the most glaring of my defects. i am constantly trying to gauge and react to the people with whom i share my life with and those with whom i randomly interact. all in the name of looking as good as they are, or on my really bad days, looking better than they are. the shortcomings that arise out of negative self-image are very SLOWWWWWWWWWWW in leaving, but i do have FAITH that someday, if i allow the process to progress as it will, they will be removed.
that is the rub for me, allowing a process whose outcome i cannot foresee, nor control to proceed unimpeded by my self-will. control and self-will are not the topics today, although for this addict they are deeply entwined with the real issue here, low self-esteem and a poor self-image. i want to think of myself as a person who is getting better and there is evidence that i am getting better, honestly i am no longer the scoundrel that walked on to this path recovery just a few days ago. i am less capable of acting out purely selfish motives. and most of all i have fewer tools at my disposal to salve my guilty conscience.
and taking a quick inventory, there are many people in my life that love me just the way i am and all of them cannot be wrong. so perhaps it is time to let go of the negative picture i carry around, accept that i am only human and proceeding down the right path, and just accept me for what i am, a person recovering from the ravages of addiction. at least just for today!

∞ DT ∞