Blog entry for:
Fri, Dec 7, 2007 07:54:20 AM
μ the program works today as well as it ever did. by using the tools available to me μ
posted: Fri, Dec 7, 2007 07:54:20 AM
i have developed the ability to survive my emotions.
although this gift was a long time coming when i was in early recovery, once it arrived it was something i have come to cherish. i have said it before, and i will say it again, i have never died from allowing myself to feel!
that does not mean i willingly accept every single feeling i have, nor have i learned to identify every single one yet! so in the land of dichotomy, i call my mind, there is often a place where i can reconcile the FEAR of my feelings and the FAITH that each and every feeling i have is a necessary part of my life. the reading speaks to this as survival, and perhaps it is, for me, that survival is more of a compromise i make between competing forces. i truly believe that altering the way i feel is needed by me anymore, and yet i find myself seeking new and different ways to do that very thing, without the use of chemical substances. and although that is preferable to using, it is hardly an acceptable manner of living. so as i am learning to tolerate myself, defects and flaws and all, learning to tolerate the actions and perhaps short-circuit the behaviors before i act on them is exactly the phase of my step work i happen to be in the middle of.
that old clich&eacture;: i am right where i am supposed to be rings so true this morning. yes i am desirous of getting to the airport so i can be done traveling today, and yes i want to feel only those feelings that i have been taught are good, BUT i do realize i am powerless over my ride, who is coming from the tundra up north in a winter storm, and i am powerless over what feelings arise in the course of my day. realization allows me to be at peace with what is going on within in and in the real world this morning, BUT is only the first step in accepting my situation in the here and now. so now that i have some clues it is time to make good use of my time and see what i can accomplish while i still have a few minutes in front of my computer. i will be where i will be, and i am where i am, so off to another task and into this cold and wet morning!
although this gift was a long time coming when i was in early recovery, once it arrived it was something i have come to cherish. i have said it before, and i will say it again, i have never died from allowing myself to feel!
that does not mean i willingly accept every single feeling i have, nor have i learned to identify every single one yet! so in the land of dichotomy, i call my mind, there is often a place where i can reconcile the FEAR of my feelings and the FAITH that each and every feeling i have is a necessary part of my life. the reading speaks to this as survival, and perhaps it is, for me, that survival is more of a compromise i make between competing forces. i truly believe that altering the way i feel is needed by me anymore, and yet i find myself seeking new and different ways to do that very thing, without the use of chemical substances. and although that is preferable to using, it is hardly an acceptable manner of living. so as i am learning to tolerate myself, defects and flaws and all, learning to tolerate the actions and perhaps short-circuit the behaviors before i act on them is exactly the phase of my step work i happen to be in the middle of.
that old clich&eacture;: i am right where i am supposed to be rings so true this morning. yes i am desirous of getting to the airport so i can be done traveling today, and yes i want to feel only those feelings that i have been taught are good, BUT i do realize i am powerless over my ride, who is coming from the tundra up north in a winter storm, and i am powerless over what feelings arise in the course of my day. realization allows me to be at peace with what is going on within in and in the real world this morning, BUT is only the first step in accepting my situation in the here and now. so now that i have some clues it is time to make good use of my time and see what i can accomplish while i still have a few minutes in front of my computer. i will be where i will be, and i am where i am, so off to another task and into this cold and wet morning!
∞ DT ∞
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
Another Look!
∞ surviving my emotions ∞ 292 words ➥ Tuesday, December 7, 2004 by: donnot↔ i survived! ↔ 621 words ➥ Wednesday, December 7, 2005 by: donnot
∞ you do not survive your feelings, i thought, you drug them. ∞ 380 words ➥ Thursday, December 7, 2006 by: donnot
μ when i was using, i never gave myself the chance to learn how to survive my feelings μ 515 words ➥ Sunday, December 7, 2008 by: donnot
∏ the problem is, that **cure** for unsurvivable emotions will kill me ∏ 669 words ➥ Monday, December 7, 2009 by: donnot
∫ by using the tools available to me, i can develop the ability to survive my emotions ∫ 700 words ➥ Tuesday, December 7, 2010 by: donnot
‡ i will not deny my feelings and i will do my best ‡ 378 words ➥ Wednesday, December 7, 2011 by: donnot
¢ by taking stock of my day, getting honest about my part in it, ¢ 647 words ➥ Friday, December 7, 2012 by: donnot
⇒ i was tired of pretending that addiction and my life ⇐ 310 words ➥ Saturday, December 7, 2013 by: donnot
→ the more i live a program of active recovery, → 606 words ➥ Sunday, December 7, 2014 by: donnot
☀ surviving my emotions ☁ 591 words ➥ Monday, December 7, 2015 by: donnot
☂ giving myself ☃ 897 words ➥ Wednesday, December 7, 2016 by: donnot
💥 surrendering 💸 410 words ➥ Thursday, December 7, 2017 by: donnot
💊 the **cure** 💉 579 words ➥ Friday, December 7, 2018 by: donnot
🔥 developing the ability 🔥 571 words ➥ Saturday, December 7, 2019 by: donnot
🤔 you have 🤔 522 words ➥ Monday, December 7, 2020 by: donnot
🙈 in order 🙈 410 words ➥ Tuesday, December 7, 2021 by: donnot
😬 to survive 🙄 542 words ➥ Wednesday, December 7, 2022 by: donnot
🧠 keeping my mind 🤯 485 words ➥ Thursday, December 7, 2023 by: donnot
☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge
Book 1
3) Therefore the sage manages affairs without doing anything, and
conveys his instructions without the use of speech.