ฮด the self-centeredness i cultivated in my addiction has distorted my perceptions of life ฮด
Posted: Mon, Jun 22, 2009 06:19:51 AM
it is difficult to let go of our expectations and accept life as it is. so this has been one of the shortest periods between blogs, a little over 12 hours. this morning i am more on my normal schedules, as as i wait for the oatmeal to clear my stomach and my niece to return to the living, i have a moment to ponder the the whole topic of being self-centered or even worse self-entitled. so as i sit here, enjoying the fresh sound breeze, i am struck by the examples in my life of living with my blinders on. the first and most glaring example happened last night. i do sleep above the common room, and as i am driven to an early diurnal cycle, i was in bed when all of my family came back from their nocturnal beach jaunt. they were just talking, a bit tipsy from alcohol, and did not realize how loud they were talking. did i go downstairs and ask them to shut-up? did i go down and yell at them to shut the FVCK up? no, what i did was twist and turn and grind my teeth, resenting each and every one of them. so how does that fit, well what i thought and this is very ironic is: **don’t those fools realize i am up here trying to sleep?** it was all about me, it was all about me expecting them to be respectful of me, it was , it was, it was…
so this morning, i get to write this out, while i am waiting for my niece to wake-up again, so we can run around the island -- literally run.
so off to the races and give myself the chance to see if i can live in a less self-centered and self-entitled manner. it is after all -- all about me.
okay waiting for paint to dry, i have time for a bit of a post script. thinking about expectations, and how disappointed i get when they do not work out the way i wish them too. yes i get angry, even <GASP> pissed off, i do understand what is going on. these days i find expecting results always bring disappointments. my reaction to disappointment is anger, so when i want serenity, life without expecting anything is the path to serenity, at least as i see it right here and right now. so my wait is over and the time to get back to work is upon me.
so this morning, i get to write this out, while i am waiting for my niece to wake-up again, so we can run around the island -- literally run.
so off to the races and give myself the chance to see if i can live in a less self-centered and self-entitled manner. it is after all -- all about me.
okay waiting for paint to dry, i have time for a bit of a post script. thinking about expectations, and how disappointed i get when they do not work out the way i wish them too. yes i get angry, even <GASP> pissed off, i do understand what is going on. these days i find expecting results always bring disappointments. my reaction to disappointment is anger, so when i want serenity, life without expecting anything is the path to serenity, at least as i see it right here and right now. so my wait is over and the time to get back to work is upon me.
∞ DT ∞