Blog entry for:

i often wonder if making my indirect amends is similar to doing a good deed. is the **goodness** is stripped away, when i talk about doing one?
it has been one frustrating day, starting with me stepping ll over my male appendage by not checking to see if something was plugged in, before tearing my office apart this morning, WAF-WAH-WAH. it ended up pouring rain, just as i was going to power walk my frustrations away. so i need to focus and get a bit more spiritual before i get back on topic.
this morning as i sat, i looked over the amends i make to society on a daily basis. it really is quite a change from the chaos and greed that used to drive my life. had i been using and had a life like i have today, i would have been FUBAR by now, drowning my sorrows in a cocktail of this or that. instead i can sit here and be grateful that no matter how many times i start my day over, as long as i breathing, i can do so once more. a friend from up north is in town this afternoon, so i do believe there will be one more alteration to my plan, time to go enjoy his company and a fine cigar. life is not as bad as i want to pretend it might be. i am not as bad as i pretend to be either. these days, frustrations pile on, only if i allow them to. not that they just go away, but i can separate those i have power over, such as checking a power button before diving into a project and those i cannot, such as deprecated code getting pushed in out shiny new application.
what i heard, way back when i read this reading, this morning was all about “living amends” to give something back to the world and society that i stole from. i GET to carry a message of HOPE to my peers, even when everything is crashing down around my ears. i get to go down one blind alley or another attempting to fix what is broken. i GET to not burn down my coworkers and pitch them under the bus, when they are human. i GET to forgive myself for being a tool and not checking the power switch before getting all wild and woolly. when this day is done, i will still be clean and know that if i crossed back into the greedy world of self-centered selfishness, i can correct that as well. with that thought in mind, i am going to feed the dawg and prepare to take my place in a smoke-filled room.

∞ DT ∞