Blog entry for:

i found that there were so many people i had victimized that i might never remember them all. of course, i also thought that perhaps i really did not harm anyone other than those i remembered and actually owed no amends. good thing that i had and continue to have sponsor from whom i am willing to take direction, after discussing the issue, there was harm and yes there were amends to be made, so because i have the desire to stay clean, i do what it takes, which just happens to be, walking the talk, by making amends direct and indirect as necessary.
so now that i have wrapped up that topic, the time has come to put a bow on it. what i heard when i got past the preaching to the choir reaction, was that as i get better, amends and apologies are part of everyday life. an apology is an admission that i was wrong, and most of the time, being wrong does very little if any damage to the party i wronged. i have a TENTH STEP to handle these everyday faux-pas. i also have a sponsor to bounce things off of, that keeps me in check, after all, he provide me that neutral, third party perspective, that i so sorely lack, in respect to my own behaviors, thoughts words and deeds. i can also rely on my friends, close-mouthed or otherwise, and even those who are out to jab me at every turn. being present for all of these feedback mechanisms is part of what i am trying to do today. and yes i used the word try -- i know -- do not try -- do, and i do, do, at least to the best of my ability on a day to day basis. as this step set has so blatantly pointed out to me, i need to be more present, in the here and now, than i have ever been before. being present means just that, seeing, feeling, hearing and being consciously aware of what is going on, inside and outside of me. as i am discovering that does become easier the more i practice doing it, and with practice, i hope to develop it into something just short of second nature to me. be that as it may, i have wandered around this topic enough, so i will close by saying that the best indirect amends are those that no one except myself, my sponsor and the FORCE that keeps me clean, know about. after all. it is quite true, that no good deed goes unpunished! so off to the races, ta-ta for now.

∞ DT ∞