Some memes

to stand in the way of my recovery is a theme i return to, time and again. it always amazes me, when i speak to others about the lengths that i am willing to go, on a daily basis, that they look at me as if i had suddenly sprouted a third eye. the fact is, one of the indirect amends i make to society in general and specifically my local community and family, is staying clean, just for today. i may be borderline OCD, BUT, and yes it is a big one, i have found that the little bit of time i put into my recovery on a daily basis, provides immeasurable results and does limit the amount of destruction i leave in my wake. in my world, i have found a direct correlation between who i want to be, with the amount of effort i put into my recovery. as much as i proselytize this outlook, it saddens me to realize it often falls on deaf ears.
what bubbled up from the depths this morning, was not all about me and how i interact with the world around me. no, it was what my VEEP was starting to say, before the rest of the crew joined us for our late night fun. it sounded as if he was “trying” to arrange an incentive for me to stay in my current position, but getting crickets in return. part of the issue, aside from them dumping me at the end of August, is the fact that two nights in a row and two nights last week, i was up doing something to “keep the lights on.” this is no longer unacceptable to me, nor is it tolerable, and i am way past having the desire to move on to something else. even though i am not generally that type, if someone offered me a new position, that started on Monday, i would jump on it and tell my current employer to “kiss my grits,” as i walked out the door. the lack of response to my VEEP's request, speaks volumes about how much they value my skills and experience. in this case, silence is far from golden and even though i have my Greek Isles vacation on the books, i highly doubt that my current employer will be the one paying for my time off. it is interesting that they expect loyalty, when they offer none. the message i am getting is that i am not even worth a, “No Way, José” response.
okay, i am not sorry for the vile little dump in the paragraph above, i needed to say it. it is not as if i am some greedy, selfish, self-serving person, with no regard for those around me, at least, not anymore. i do feel that i am worth more than being ignored by the powers that be, as they mouth off about how inclusive they are and what a “great” workplace they provide. i more than understand that sort of behavior, after hiding in plain sight for five decades, but it is no longer acceptable to me, in any way, shape or form. what is acceptable to me, is to take care of myself and get my daily exercise completed before it gets too much hotter outside. i am worth far more than worrying about whether my employer is going to throw me any sort of bone, just for today.

∞ DT ∞