Blog entry for:
Mon, Jun 18, 2007 10:03:19 AM
∞ today, with the love and guidance of members in the fellowship, ∞
posted: Mon, Jun 18, 2007 10:03:19 AM
i am giving back to the world around me rather than taking.
although this morning all i want to do is take, take take. i really do not understand why i feel this way, perhaps i need to add a sense of entitlement to my defect list. it just seems today i cannot get anything done. i am waiting for people to get back to me and am not doing so very patiently, don’t they know who the f*ck i am??
so here i sit cigar in hand whining to anyone who chooses to read this how much it sucks to be me today. what in the hell this has to do with giving back to the world around me as a means of repairing the damage i did as an active addict, i am clueless about. this rant seems to have come nowhere and i am not quite sure where it is going.
okay, enough venom, time for a bit of gratitude, yes i am clean today, yes i can visit jail and leave without any hassle, yes i have clients who pay me very well, yes i have a beautiful woman with whom i cannot spend enough time with, yes i have a sponsor and friends, and most of all no i do not have a desire to use today. so i guess it does not suck to be me, if i actually take off my blinders and see what is really happening.
so i guess i can give a bit back this morning. after all, the damage i did was extensive, and the debt i owe to the world can only be repaid by staying clean, continuing to recover and doing what i can to contribute to the solution rather than be part of the problem. all of this is part of the gift of HOPE that i can offer more to the world that i ever took, and for me right here, right now, that is more than enough.
although this morning all i want to do is take, take take. i really do not understand why i feel this way, perhaps i need to add a sense of entitlement to my defect list. it just seems today i cannot get anything done. i am waiting for people to get back to me and am not doing so very patiently, don’t they know who the f*ck i am??
so here i sit cigar in hand whining to anyone who chooses to read this how much it sucks to be me today. what in the hell this has to do with giving back to the world around me as a means of repairing the damage i did as an active addict, i am clueless about. this rant seems to have come nowhere and i am not quite sure where it is going.
okay, enough venom, time for a bit of gratitude, yes i am clean today, yes i can visit jail and leave without any hassle, yes i have clients who pay me very well, yes i have a beautiful woman with whom i cannot spend enough time with, yes i have a sponsor and friends, and most of all no i do not have a desire to use today. so i guess it does not suck to be me, if i actually take off my blinders and see what is really happening.
so i guess i can give a bit back this morning. after all, the damage i did was extensive, and the debt i owe to the world can only be repaid by staying clean, continuing to recover and doing what i can to contribute to the solution rather than be part of the problem. all of this is part of the gift of HOPE that i can offer more to the world that i ever took, and for me right here, right now, that is more than enough.
∞ DT ∞
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
Another Look!
once more with gusto 128 words ➥ Friday, June 18, 2004 by: donnotα i am giving back to the world around me rather than taking α 429 words ➥ Sunday, June 18, 2006 by: donnot
↔ when i used, i allowed nothing to stand in the way of that next high. as a result … 469 words ➥ Wednesday, June 18, 2008 by: donnot
μ when it came time to make amends through my Ninth Step μ 457 words ➥ Thursday, June 18, 2009 by: donnot
℘ i found, when it came time to make amends, that there were many people i had victimized … 635 words ➥ Friday, June 18, 2010 by: donnot
¶ indirect amends are necessary where direct ones ¶ 747 words ➥ Saturday, June 18, 2011 by: donnot
× i will strive in some small way to × 405 words ➥ Monday, June 18, 2012 by: donnot
¹ am i making my community a better place to live? ¹ 690 words ➥ Tuesday, June 18, 2013 by: donnot
ℜ i will make indirect amends ℜ 389 words ➥ Wednesday, June 18, 2014 by: donnot
⇐ i do not always know ← 404 words ➥ Thursday, June 18, 2015 by: donnot
🌞 indirect amends 🌝 710 words ➥ Saturday, June 18, 2016 by: donnot
⪏ giving back to ⪐ 631 words ➥ Sunday, June 18, 2017 by: donnot
🚖 allowing nothing 🚘 831 words ➥ Monday, June 18, 2018 by: donnot
😳 these nameless amends 😶 467 words ➥ Tuesday, June 18, 2019 by: donnot
🌀 making my 🌈 397 words ➥ Thursday, June 18, 2020 by: donnot
🥺 allowing nothing 🥳 589 words ➥ Friday, June 18, 2021 by: donnot
🚧 a better place 🛑 373 words ➥ Saturday, June 18, 2022 by: donnot
🌑 grace gets 🌚 416 words ➥ Sunday, June 18, 2023 by: donnot
☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge
Book 1
5) Thus it was that when the Tao was lost, its attributes appeared;
when its attributes were lost, benevolence appeared; when benevolence
was lost, righteousness appeared; and when righteousness was lost,
the proprieties appeared.