๐ง growth ๐ง
Posted: Wed, Dec 30, 2020 06:56:44 AM
spiritually, emotionally or physically does not happen by some sort of hocus-pocus magic. for me anyhow, it is the direct result of doing something, taking action as it were, rather than hoping i can “get it” through ass-mosis. the reading suggests prayer and action, and this morning, i am on board for that idea.
now that i have parroted the reading, what bubbled up to the surface for me this morning, was my sense of being a victim of my age, my culture and the social mores that i was taught. this has been the source of my anger and challenging all of that, feels as if i am stripping myself from who i am. it is not easy to look at one's identity at any point in one's life and especially after over sixty-two trips around the sun. the rage i have been feeling, has began to subside as i take a breath and work on my current assignment. i am two-thirds of the way there and even the willingness to do something that feels a bit “young” for me, is starting to unfreeze me from the FEAR that has consumed me over the past twelve months, when i first began to see where my step work is taking me.
the fact that i have finally come to grips with the notion that i feel put-upon, disrespected and abused by culture and society is more than a bit ironic. i have always believed i could “think” my way out of any hole, even though there as scant evidence supporting that conclusion. what the evidence does support is that i need to live a program of active recovery, today and every day, and allow myself to be freed from the self-imposed limitations of being a victim. just for today, i think i may have that conversation that i have been dreading and see where that takes me. my “wish” is that it will free me from the self-made prison that has kept my locked-up and chained for far too long. so it is off to a frigid workout and into a day that includes a bit of prayer and a whole lot of action.
now that i have parroted the reading, what bubbled up to the surface for me this morning, was my sense of being a victim of my age, my culture and the social mores that i was taught. this has been the source of my anger and challenging all of that, feels as if i am stripping myself from who i am. it is not easy to look at one's identity at any point in one's life and especially after over sixty-two trips around the sun. the rage i have been feeling, has began to subside as i take a breath and work on my current assignment. i am two-thirds of the way there and even the willingness to do something that feels a bit “young” for me, is starting to unfreeze me from the FEAR that has consumed me over the past twelve months, when i first began to see where my step work is taking me.
the fact that i have finally come to grips with the notion that i feel put-upon, disrespected and abused by culture and society is more than a bit ironic. i have always believed i could “think” my way out of any hole, even though there as scant evidence supporting that conclusion. what the evidence does support is that i need to live a program of active recovery, today and every day, and allow myself to be freed from the self-imposed limitations of being a victim. just for today, i think i may have that conversation that i have been dreading and see where that takes me. my “wish” is that it will free me from the self-made prison that has kept my locked-up and chained for far too long. so it is off to a frigid workout and into a day that includes a bit of prayer and a whole lot of action.
∞ DT ∞