Blog entry for:

bring more and more recovery to each area of my life. so i have six men, who have called me their sponsor from time to time, that are in prison. three, that disappeared into the system and i have not heard from, since they went down. one that is working a Fourth Step or at least he was the last time i heard from him. one that is pissed off and counting the minutes, until he can legally use for the first time in a decade. and one that is learning the hard way, that this program is about so much more than the substances he used.
i bring this up, because i finally wrote the last one and write the other two over the course of the next few days. i have been slacking in my program and it shows. of course my life is just a little frayed and wrinkled around the edges, only because i have accumulated enough grace to keep all my balls in the air, so to speak. there is a lot to say, for having a recovery routine, and one that has been habituated into myself for so long, it does tide me over the rough and yes lazy patches. i can honestly say, that watching the news last night, with their story about the activity in the first legal pot shop, really got my head working overtime and if it is legal now...
my first order of business, is to let those three men know that i am still can be a part of their lives, if they want me to be there. i will also be there if they decide to walk away, in case they change their minds and come back. my second order of business is to write out my amends and clean up the minor messes they address. finally to recommit myself to being a part of this life i have been given. as much as i have wanted to stir-up some trouble and chaos, i know that the gift i have been given, of full-time employment, a nice crib to come home to and people in my life that care for and love me, is far more than i could have ever expected way back when and more than i am entitled to, on any given day. when i share about being between two programs, having more than one disease or any of that other nonsense i have been known to spout out, it is because i am looking to toss all my balls up and see if i can handle them all coming down at once. it is to build a case against recovery, so i can do what i never had to do in the past, justify my first use. recovery has removed my ability to get high, just because i want to, and i am grateful for that. speaking of which, the time has come to get into the shower and get over to that job that pays my bills, just for today. it is a great day, to be an active participant in my life.

∞ DT ∞