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that magically transforms my life into something i DESIRE, just because i stay abstinent day after day, is not what i discovered, once i decided that i was an addict and needed something to change. it is true, that staying clean did manifest all sorts of changes in my life, like actually being able to support myself and not have to cringe every time i saw a member of law enforcement. what i ended-up discovering is that if i wanted more than a bit of material and legal relief, i needed to do what my peers had been telling me to do since i walked into my first meeting: work the steps and learn to live a program of ACTIVE recovery. and of course that has made all the difference.
after nine thousand or so days of being clean, this morning i am wondering where all the sloth i have been exhibiting the last few days is coming from. i do feel the need to step up my game at work and at home and actually get some stuff accomplished, even though i did get all the snow rearranged yesterday over the course of a couple of hours. after over twenty-four hours, more or less, stuck at home, i am certainly ready to step out and get some exercise this morning, even if it is on a treadmill at the Rec Center. i also know there are a few errands i need to get done and that perhaps working at the cigar store is a good idea as well. as i look at my day ahead i do not have a whole lot of fear or trepidation about what may be coming my way. what i do see, however, is more than a bit of resistance to doing the next right thing for my employer. i want to take the week off, and i want to get paid for doing so. in the fantasy world i have concocted in my head, that is something i am entitled to do and then i can pile on the rationalizations and the justifications to assuage my guilty conscience. the fact is, i have been slack and it is time to pick up the pace and do what i am getting paid for, wishing to win a big lottery jackpot and planning on how to spend it, will not keep the heat on and a roof over my head. 🥶
action is the word of my day, after sitting doing very little over the past few days, it is time for me to step up my game and get some stuff done. life in my skin is not too shabby today and yes i will more than likely buy those silly lottery tickets anyhow. in the mean time the treadmill is calling my name and i am feeling a bit squirrelly, which means that is is time for this addict to do something different and move into action, the inertia of sitting still may be difficult to overcome, but it is not impossible, just for today.

∞ DT ∞