Some memes

did not end up having the life that i expected to have. there was no way, that even ten years ago, i would be living as i am now, much less way back when, in the dawn of my clean time. i am not one of those who revels in the “miracle” of another day clean. i know that message is passed down through the literature and tradition, but, as i often reiterate, staying clean for as long as i have done, is the result of my hard work, perseverance through the tough times and a commitment to myself. i admit without any caveats or conditions that i am powerless of addiction and concede that the power to stay clean today comes from the POWER that fuels my recovery, but all that is, is a starting point in the here and now.
i am often amazed by how some of my peers, seem to “get” this recovery stuff early on in their journey and i had to walk a long and winding road to find it. it makes me wonder, how honest they are truly being, as it has been my experience that i could talk the talk, long before i actually had the courage and the strength of will to walk it. i have to take them at their word, as it seems to me, that my peers way back when, took me on mine. what betrayed me in the short and long run, was the manner in which i behaved, which was often in direct opposition with the nonsense i was spouting. my story, however, is far from universal.
what is universal was the promise that i was given that once i was freed from active addiction, my life would get different. sure there were those, especially in the fellowship i was first sent to., who insisted that my life would get better, as their “promises” indicated. truth be told, as much as i wanted to buy into that manner of thinking, it struck me as being more than a little bit out there and i wondered why anyone would make such explicit promises, as they certainly did not give me any hope. no what they gave me was a ruler to measure how far off the mark i was. as it has been decades since i sat in one of those rooms, i could not even say if those promises were fulfilled for me, and more importantly, these days i do not care.
right now, in this moment, i have HOPE that i have the ability to seize the opportunities to foster my recovery and my life. those opportunities are available, only if i am paying attention to what is going on around me. right here and right now, it is time to hit the streets for a workout. i know full well what is expected of me today and i will make the changes that everyone has been asking for, rather than fighting for what i am certain is correct. since it was on my mind as i went to sleep last night and woke me up an hour early this morning, i will take it as something i NEED to do, to bring my code into compliance. i certainly do not need to fight a battle that i will lose, just for today.

∞ DT ∞