Some memes

happening with me and being open to change. have to admit, the last twenty-four hours have been less than stellar for me. my PSA spiked up to 9.05 after cruising between 5 and 7 for the past few years, i had one of the longest, most stress filled commutes this morning and i am fighting to get a project done at work.the good news is that i did not keep my test results secret, until i found out more, nor do i feel like using. it is more than ironic that when Joe Biden announced his struggle with prostate cancer, mine decides to ramp up. such is life in the real world. there is more good news, i am seeing my oncologist today, my PCP in eight days and my urologist in fourteen, so the amount of time i have spin down the tubes, is limited.
moving into the how i can take what seems to be a disaster in stride, i can see that the work i have done, doing my best to live a program of recovery, allows me the freedom to feel, even get stressed and start to spin down, without me pitching this whole recovery gig into the bit bucket and taking a twenty minute vacation from abstinence. sitting here in the office, i know that i can take care of business, even though i do not feel a part of this team. in fact, i am beginning to think that perhaps it is time to seek another job. i am not going to resign, but i am going to step up my game, here at work and on the job boards.
with that in mind, i guess it is time to coffee up and get into head's down coding. i know that i need to be present for my life and what is going on. i may not ever get a “pink cloud,” but i can be content with what living a program brings to my life. it is a good day to be clean, just for today.

∞ DT ∞