๐ค for me, ๐คฃ
Posted: Thu, Nov 20, 2025 10:57:35 AM
humor has been a hazard. it has been a strategy i used to escape my feelings or avoid being real in my relationships. sarcasm and insults were my standard mode of operation when i was hanging with my peeps or when i needed a weapon to keep others at a distance. my humor has always been on the dark side, so when i used it as a weapon, it was especially hurtful. more than once i have had to go back and admit when i was wrong, when i took things a bit too far. as i progress through my recovery, i am learning where the boundary between jibes and insults lies and getting better at not stepping over that line. i have a bit of gratitude that i can also laugh at my own follies without being self-deprecating, although that is another boundary i have finally set and owning my harm to myself, gets to be a tricky proposition.
today, i am way off my “normal” routine, which in and of itself is a bit humorous, as i am retired and really have nowhere i am obligated to be at any certain time. one of the things i told myself, as i started this life of “leisure” was that i was not going to sit around and allow myself to slide into the degradation of my mental and physical fitness. i do have an AI project i am working on, i do get out and walk the dog. i do get my steps and miles in, and most of all i do not spend hours binge watching YouTube or TV. all in all, it is working out for me, and i have developed a routine that feels right for me. so when i step out of that path, due to medical appointments or tests, i feel a bit off-beat. right here and right now, however, i did make a commitment to meet with a friend at the noon meeting and go for a walk after the meeting. i had breakfast at 5 AM this morning,m so i need to grab a bite on my way over to Boulder. that means that i lack the time to dive any deeper into using humor as a weapon, a foil or to build walls between me and the world around me. i can use a bit of humor to surrender to,the face that my compulsive need to get certain things done before heading out, has pushed me up against my time constraint. it is a good day to be clean and a great day to laugh at what strikes me as funny, even when the joke is on me.
today, i am way off my “normal” routine, which in and of itself is a bit humorous, as i am retired and really have nowhere i am obligated to be at any certain time. one of the things i told myself, as i started this life of “leisure” was that i was not going to sit around and allow myself to slide into the degradation of my mental and physical fitness. i do have an AI project i am working on, i do get out and walk the dog. i do get my steps and miles in, and most of all i do not spend hours binge watching YouTube or TV. all in all, it is working out for me, and i have developed a routine that feels right for me. so when i step out of that path, due to medical appointments or tests, i feel a bit off-beat. right here and right now, however, i did make a commitment to meet with a friend at the noon meeting and go for a walk after the meeting. i had breakfast at 5 AM this morning,m so i need to grab a bite on my way over to Boulder. that means that i lack the time to dive any deeper into using humor as a weapon, a foil or to build walls between me and the world around me. i can use a bit of humor to surrender to,the face that my compulsive need to get certain things done before heading out, has pushed me up against my time constraint. it is a good day to be clean and a great day to laugh at what strikes me as funny, even when the joke is on me.
∞ DT ∞