Blog entry for:

to make the situation right, no matter WHAT the cost to me may be.
a night off form my nearly complete FOURTH STEP and because i am so close, i see the rest of the the step process, starting to barrel down on me, like a runaway locomotive being chased by an avalanche, and neither slowing down as they approach. yes, a bit of hyperbole for this morning and a distraction for what i heard in the reading. actually, what i heard was a whisper of what came up in my TENTH STEP last night,. namely unless someone steps up, the local fellowship will never again have a convention in the mountains or on the Western slope, as the areas here on the Front Range will bid for it every year. how does that go with the flow and the reading? well, part of my amends to myself, was to step away from service commitments on that level of the service structure. mi was frustrated by glory seekers and those who insisted it was their way or the absolute wrong way, and as a result, felt crappy after doing my best to serve. i took a position two years ago, to assist one of those areas in putting on their convention, but told myself, that i would remain true to my amends and continue to serve on the group and individual level only. this has been a very good thing for me, as the FOURTH STEP has revealed, that i want to look like the largest and most important fish in a very small pond, all the time. so i am exploring where the notion came from, that i NEED to rescue those mountain areas, and HELP them put in a bid for the convention, other than my overstated ego, that is quickly getting a deflated by the step work process. so as the next few days progress, i will pick up the rest of my amends to myself and see what it is that is really going on inside. is it really a desire to serve? or is it a way to look like a knight in shining armor riding over the hill with the cavalry to save them from certain doom, in just the nick of time.
or is it perhaps, that i FEEL a need to make amends for my behavior as a servant to the region? which may also be the case. i am not on STEP EIGHT and it is not one of those steps i choose to work willy-nilly, whenever the mood strikes. that answer i will leave to when i get there. today i will head on out to work, get paid for doing my job, enjoy time with my sweetie and allow the day to flow from there. it is a great day to be clean and i know that if i do the next right thing, I CAN make the amends i NEED to continue to make, by taking responsibility for my behavior and listening to what the POWER that fuels my recovery is trying to tell me. it is after all a great day to be a productive and RESPONSIBLE member of society. oh yeah,
i DO take responsibility for the twisted mixed metaphors that i served up this morning.

∞ DT ∞