๐ญ another **I am sorry** ๐ญ
Posted: Fri, Jul 6, 2018 06:53:54 AM
just will not do it for me or anybody else today. of those who keep track, yes this is a very early post, this morning. i was rudely awoken at 2:30 AM, for an issue caused by one of my teammates. stuff happens and they believed they had a window in which they could put my entire server stack down. they have apologized and i forgive them and will even forget this incident as time rolls by. the consequence is that at 4:25 when i could finally go back to bed and sleep, i could not go back to sleep, hence i have started my day, far earlier than planned and will be ending it earlier than i planned as well. life happens and it certainly did this morning. so it goes.
the reading and what i heard this morning, however, led me down a different path. although my meditation as far from satisfactory, as i was still holding on to a bit of emotion over the early morning events, i felt a sense of gratitude that it was not my fault for the occurrence over night. do not get me wrong, i make my fair share of mistakes that cause problems for others and i can sincerely express my sorrow over the pain i cause. what was once a trite and quite useless phrase, actually means something today when i dare utter it out loud. where once it was a smokescreen to attempt to assuage the feelings of another, today when i choose to say i'm sorry i actually mean it. the nice part is i have been in active recovery for long enough, that to those who know me from before might actually believe that it has some reality and that it will be followed up by my attempt to repair the damage done. these times they be a'changing.
with that, i do believe i will sign-off and head out for a bit of a workout, before getting scrubbed off and all bright and shiny for the rest of my day. perhaps something else will pop up as i trek through the neighborhoods but for right now, lief is as good as it is going to get, in this moment anyhow and yes a bit of a rainbow here, just for today.
the reading and what i heard this morning, however, led me down a different path. although my meditation as far from satisfactory, as i was still holding on to a bit of emotion over the early morning events, i felt a sense of gratitude that it was not my fault for the occurrence over night. do not get me wrong, i make my fair share of mistakes that cause problems for others and i can sincerely express my sorrow over the pain i cause. what was once a trite and quite useless phrase, actually means something today when i dare utter it out loud. where once it was a smokescreen to attempt to assuage the feelings of another, today when i choose to say i'm sorry i actually mean it. the nice part is i have been in active recovery for long enough, that to those who know me from before might actually believe that it has some reality and that it will be followed up by my attempt to repair the damage done. these times they be a'changing.
with that, i do believe i will sign-off and head out for a bit of a workout, before getting scrubbed off and all bright and shiny for the rest of my day. perhaps something else will pop up as i trek through the neighborhoods but for right now, lief is as good as it is going to get, in this moment anyhow and yes a bit of a rainbow here, just for today.
∞ DT ∞